SD241904.30 || Joint Log || "Dreams "

Posted on 30 Apr 2019 @ 3:42pm by Lieutenant Commander Jacqueline Wallace-Shaw & Lieutenant Finchley Kerr

2,685 words; about a 13 minute read

Mission: Thought & Memory
Location: Counselor's Office
Timeline: OOC: This takes place before the current plot logs.

OOC: Apologies for the re-send!

=/\= Begin Log =/\=

Finchley had no idea why the dreams had started up again. Normally it happened when he was particularly stressed, however, though he was on a new assignment, he wasn't feeling stressed at all, more...excited.

True, his departure from his previous ship had been a hastily arranged one, no time to think, just act, and yes, travelling conditions had been cramped, but again, not particularly stressful. So why had the dreams reasserted themselves again?

He knew of only one place where someone could perhaps give him an answer, so he now found himself in front to the doors to the Chief Counsellors office. Reaching out, he pressed the chime and waited on an answer.

There were PADDs everywhere... There was just stuff everywhere. When her office belongings had been transferred from her last posting to this one, apparently the staff on duty that day didn't think much of putting this in any sort of order and now it was just...chaos.

At least the chairs were clear.

When her chime rang, she wasn't sure if she was embarrassed to let anyone else see the mess or relieved for a distraction. "Enter," she called out.

The doors opened and Finchley walked in, and then stopped and looked around appreciatively.

"Ah, the chaos theory, you just have to love it!" he said out loud.

"You really don't," Jacky said with a wry smile. She was already on her feet, so it was easy to step forward and offer her hand. "Counselor Wallace-Shaw. I'm sure I have your personnel file in this mess somewhere, but forgive me for not yet having read it and recognizing you on sight."

"I'm the ghost of Christmas past, very pleased to meet you Counsellor" Finchley replied, shaking the Counsellors hand "I believe you've still to be haunted by my two brothers 'Christmas present' and 'Christmas still to come'..." Finchley said in jest.

Jacky chuckled. "Well, welcome to my office, Lieutenant Christmas Past. Have a seat. It's one of the few clear places I have." Once they were seated, she said. "What brings you by today?"

"I'm actually Lieutenant Kerr Sir, the new Chief of Security" Finchley replied, and nodding his thanks as he sat down in the offered seat. He wasn't exactly sure where to begin, so he jumped right in "I've come to see you because I've started dying again...in my dreams I mean, well, nightmares actually."

"I see," Jacky said, nodding slowly. "You said 'again'... So you've had dreams like this in the past as well?"

"I have" Finchley replied "When I was on my last posting but one, the USS Frannery. It could be pretty high octane there, we seemed to be the one's who pulled the missions that were in the 'at risk' category as I called it, at risk of injury, death, or worse....." he looked at the Counsellor.

She nodded again. Counsellors did that a lot: nodding. They even taught a whole course on it at the academy... "Are any of your dreams based on things that happened, to friends or shipmates? Or are they more generic in nature?"

"Some of them are like re-runs of bad situations that happened when I served on the USS Hislop as Assistant Chief of Security" Finchley answered "but strangely enough, a good number of them were from when I was aboard the ship I was on before that, the USS Frannery, only, in those instances, the majority of the time it would happen, say, in a corridor or in sickbay or during a briefing somewhere on the ship."

"Now, why would you say that's "strangely enough,"?" Jacky asked lightly. "You said that the Frannery had a lot of high-risk missions, so that would seem natural rather than strange."

"I would have thought that the most recent of missions from my last ship would be a catalyst to bring the dreams back and that they would occur there" Finchley answered truthfully "rather than bring back memories from a ship further back in my career and have them occur on that ship" he added.

He seemed to find the idea that death occurred in his dreams at all a little bit disturbing. "I know dreams can't be fully explained, and I'm not one for being morose in what I 'see' in them, but it's disconcerting that death is a reoccurrence Counsellor, can they be my subconscious trying to tell me something do you think?"

Jacky offered a small smile. "The thing about dreams is, so far as we have learned, they are usually our subconscious trying to process things around us. When it comes to the abstract like that, it's not always a matter of being literal. That is to say that death wouldn't necessary mean death or even danger. It can mean something like a very drastic change or transformation, letting go of how something was."

Finchley thought about this for a few moments, then replied "It's funny now that I come to think about what you just said. I was taking each dream and the real life situation I'd been in, and trying to figure out if there was a common denominator, and I've found one...Lieutenant Junior Grade Karadis!"

The counselor raised her blonde brows curiously. "Tell me about Karadis."

"Karadis and I have served together for a long time, we're kind of a 'team' almost" Finchley replied. He laughed out loud as continued "We first met each other when I came onboard the USS Frannery as a raw Security Ensign and she was an MCPO. She scared the living daylights out of me, she was ruthless with her charges, drove them through drills constantly, but they loved her because she was an NCO who would never let anyone under her orders do anything she wasn't prepared to do herself first. I once heard a quote, though I can't remember where from or who told me about it, but it goes along the lines of a person who was the first one into a serious situation and the last one out, never leaving anybody behind...that was her. Oh, I tried to show her that I was an Officer, but it cut no ice with her, she saw me as wet behind the ears and soft as wet mud. As time went by, I saw in her what everyone else did, and we started to get along a little better. Then came the planet CX-136..." he said, looking up and closing his eyes.

"Tell me about CX-136," the counselor prompted, her voice gentle, understanding but encouraging.

"The USS Frannery was sent to CX-136 because there'd been reports that 'The Collective' had ships making hit and run attacks on Federation colonies" Finchley started "and when we got there we had no idea what we were going to be up against. We arrived not knowing that the had what was basically a Dreadnaught Class sized ship that outgunned us. Their fire power was enormous, I've no idea, even to this day, how they managed to pack the firing power they had. Anyway, we got pummelled good, but gave as best we could back though it never looked like we'd be able to break through their shields. We took heavy damage to our shields, and eventually they gave way. Captain Zamos would allow us to be broken, so ordered one last broadside with everything we had, and it finally collapsed their shields and they took a hammering from the last of our photon torpedoes, but not before they hit back with a broadside of their own. That volley took out main engineering, lateral array, stabilisers and the helm controls causing us to lose any chance of maintaining any kind of orbit so we went down, hard!
I'll give the helmsman their due, in the few minutes they had before we hit ground, they managed somehow to keep the ship more or less level, but had no control of speed. We hit the ground and that's basically the last thing I remember for an hour as I was knocked out. When I came to, Karadis and the Captain were dragging me clear of the ship, but then they had to stop as we came under small arms phaser weapons fire. 'The Collective' ship had been severely damaged by us, but not enough to out it out of action completely, their transporters still worked and they had shuttle crafts as well. They transported ground forces and shuttled more in as well. We retreated back to the Frannery wreckage and barricaded ourselves in as best we could. They attacked us relentlessly for three days, killing about half of the crew that had survived the crash. Eventually, Captain Zamos, in a bid to save those who were left, ordered us to surrender. Of course, myself and a number of crew, Karadis included, objected fiercely but he told us it was an order, so we had to follow it.
'The Collective' troops came and force marched us for five days to an encampment miles and miles away. Any of us who fell and couldn't get up had their throats cut and left where they were to die, any of us who tried to help them were beaten mercilessly with metal rods. Eventually, on the fifth day, we reached the encampment, well, I call it an encampment, it was basically a couple of rock caves where we slept, metal boxes that were used when we were insubordinate and mud holes where those who couldn't work anymore were thrown into to be left to die of thirst or starvation.
When we weren't being worked near to death, we were taken for questioning. 'The Collective' were brutal, they wouldn't beat the person they were questioning, they'd beat another prisoner, break their arms and legs, pull out teeth, fingernails or toenails till their questions were answered.
As we got fewer and fewer in number due to the deaths of our crew, our captors decided to stop torturing other prisoners and started torturing those they were questioning. Karadis and I made a pact, that as long as we could say no to one more question they were asking us, we'd look after each other as we needed someone to survive that nightmare and tell others what had happened. When we came back from being questioned, we would recite a phrase to the other that meant we hadn't talked 'they were violent but I kept silent', and we kept that up for three long and bloody weeks.
Eventually there were only seven of us left, and 'The Collective' decided to give us one last chance to talk and save our lives. They dragged one of us out of the cave, stood them in a hole dug in the ground that came up to roughly their chest height and filled the hole back in again with mud, trapping the crewman and showing them from only the chest up. The captors leader came out, sat down by the crewman and cut of their left ear, stood up again, walked over to Captain Zamos and threw the ear at his feet saying he'd bring the crewman to the Captain piece by piece till someone talked and gave the Federations defence grid codes up. The crewman, although screaming in pain told us not to do it no matter what happened.
Their leader removed two ears, an eye and six teeth before the Captain called a halt. We'll never know what he intended to say, because it was at that point that Federation ground troops overran the encampment, killing all 'The Collective' troops.
By the end of our captivity, of the USS Frannery crew who had survived the crash, surrendered after a three firefight and been through three months of being tortured, there were only six of us left alive, the crewman in the hole died of their wounds" he finished.

Jacky listened with her usual passive counselor's ears and expressions, although it was a terrible, tragic story and one that was hard to stomach. That reaction didn't show, because she was good at her job, but she felt it. When he was done, she took a moment to catalogue her own words.

"To say that must have been an awful experience doesn't cover a small fraction of it," she said with genuine sympathy. "And you believe that the dreams have begun again because of the connection with Karadis and this terrible thing the both of you survived together?" she prompted gently.

Finchley was slightly embarrassed when he replied. saying "I know this sounds stupid, but I'm here alone, when I'm used to having Karadis as my number two, we work well together, rely on each other, we trust one another implicitly after coming through that nightmare. I feel...lost without her, incomplete so to say. I would actually venture to say that right now, she'll be feeling the same way back on my old ship. I've asked the Captain about having her transferred here, all she could say was she would see what she can do. I'd say she would make an excellent addition to this crew, I just wish she could be transferred here" he finished.

Jacky smiled kindly. "I don't think that sounds stupid at all. It makes a lot of sense. That sort of change, and the lack of familiarity, could have a lot to do with why your dreams have begun again."

"I agree Counsellor, it certainly looks and feels that way" Finchley replied.

"That turns the question to what you may be able to do to help this and possibly stop the dreams," she went on. "Simply being aware of it can help a lot. And now you are."

"If there's any way in which you can commend to the Captain that having Karadis transferred here to the USS Odin would be helpful, that could help" Finchley replied "but it's not as though not having her here would impede me doing my duty to the best of my ability anyway, but having her here so we can work as a team to enhance the Security department with our combined experience would be a huge plus" he finished.

Jacky nodded. "I'll see what I can do," she said simply. "But it's not something I can guarantee, and it could be psychologically healthy to be mindful and focus on trying to feel well and stable without her presence."

"Oh, I do that already Counsellor, it's just nice to have someone you know watching your back" Finchley replied " and as I say, I think she'll make an outstanding addition to this crew. If it turns out the Captain can't get Karadis transferred, then so be it, I'll still give my all in my duty, still be as stringent with my charges and still be as ruthless in their training as I've always been with all of the Security teams I've trained up. Nothing is more important to me than the safety of this crew and this ship, not even my own life. We were taught, and taught well, at the Academy that Security and safety on a starship is paramount in it being able to fulfil it's function and carry out it's orders. Nothing in that has changed just because Karadis isn't here."

"Of course," Jacky agreed smoothly. "I wasn't implying otherwise. Simply offering some thoughts and focus, now that you have an idea what has caused these dreams to begin again."

"That's tr…." Finchley began to say, then his COMM badge chirruped.

"Ensign McColl to Lieutenant Kerr, Sir, you're needed in the Security office."

Tapping his badge, Finchley replied "Kerr here, I'm on my way!"

He turned to Jacky and said "Sorry Counsellor, duty calls. Thank you for your time and help, it's been good to talk."

"Of course. My door is always open," she said with a single nod.

Finchley nodded, gave a slight bow from the hip, turned and left the office, making his way quickly to Security.

=/\= End Log =/\=

Lieutenant Commander Jacqueline Wallace-Shaw & Lieutenant Finchley Kerr

 

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