241909.29 || Joint Log || "Survivor's Guilt"

Posted on 29 Sep 2019 @ 7:55pm by Captain Mallory Thorne & Commander Joanna "Ripper" Jackson

976 words; about a 5 minute read

=/\= Begin Log =/\=

Joanna was finally within tractor range when her thrusters gave up. "Damn it," she muttered. "Odin, this is Shuttle Cochrane requesting you engage tractor beam to bring in the shuttle. My thrusters just gave out." She knew that Kang was gong to be on the bridge and probably would be growling by now about the shuttle and what damage it had taken. She wasn't far wrong.

=/\= Odin Bridge =/\=

Kang pulled her head out of the console panel she was fixing when Joanna requested the tractor beam. "Damn it to hell! What the blazes did she do to my shuttle?!" she growled. "Joanna, what in the name of Kah'less did you do to my shuttle? You messed her up? Wait till I see her and then..." She didn't bother to finish the sentence as she looked at the captain and shut up.

The captain was staring at the CEO with the darkest look perhaps any of the crew had seen on her face. While Mallory had never attained the "jovial" adjective, neither was she considered dark. But she was now. "Get your priorities in order, Lieutenant," the captain all but growled. "The shuttle can be fixed. Can you do the same with our chief of operations?"

"My apologies, Captain. The loss of our chief of operations is most distressing. I will run some scans of the ship's systems to see if I can help in the investigation. Again, my sincere apologies," Tiernin said softly.

"Commander Jackson," Mal went on, barely acknowledging the CEO. "If you're uninjured, report to the bridge immediately."

"Understood, Captain. I will be there in a few minutes, sir," Joanna said solemnly. Looking at the group of people that had gathered, she ordered the poor shattered Romulan to go to sickbay as well. With that done, she had two security guards stationed near the shuttle to make sure nothing would be touched, then she headed for the bridge.

About ten minutes later, Joanna stepped from turbolift and on to the bridge and walked over to the captain. "Commander Jackson reporting as ordered," she said softly.

Mallory inhaled slowly and then looked up, meeting the pilot's eyes and nodding once toward the ready room. She said nothing as she got up and walked that way herself, expecting the other woman to understand that she was to follow. At the door, it had a little glitch in actually opening but then did so and Mal stalked in.

"Report," she said as soon as the door shut. "What the hell happened out there, Commander?"

Once off the bridge and in the ready room, Joanna breathed deeply and looked at her captain. "Everything was going fine. There was nothing that could go wrong...no mechanical glitches or technological glitches. Out of no where...the proximity alarms go off! We got incoming debris...space junk of all things! I don't know where it came from, but it hit..." Joanna stopped, looking away quickly to hide the tears.

Still visibly shaken by the experience, Joanna wiped the tears away and turned back to the captain. "I tried to get her attention, but the junk had already tore her EVA suit. She was dead in minutes. The shuttle was being hit constantly and one piece was big enough to make the shuttle tumble. The shuttle systems blinked in and out until I could get them finally fixed. Once the systems settled, I brought the shuttle as far home as I could," she finished. "I couldn't save her, Captain. It hit so fast... I couldn't save her," Joanna said with tears running down her face.

Mallory took a long, slow breath and then let it out just the same. "It wasn't your fault, Commander," she said quietly, although only based off what the woman had just said. The data--what they could get--would be reviewed to discern that later. "We knew it was going to be a dangerous mission. Lieutenant Malena..." She paused and gathered her wits about her again. "...was a Starfleet officer, and she accepted the risks."

"I understand that, but to lose a person like that, here in this timeline? It still happened. And what will be the repercussions when we get back to our timeline? Captain, I lost a life!" Joanna said, wiping more tears away. "It feels the same when I lose a pilot on a mission. You never get over the loss," she added.

It was true--losing a life on your watch hurt deeper than you want to admit. While it may not be her fault directly, she felt she was at fault and it was hard to accept regardless. "I suppose, Captain, we must accept it as fate and believe that there are things in the universe we can't keep from happening," Joanna sighed.

"There are many things in the universe we can't keep from happening," Mal said quietly. "I would say that there is, in fact, very little in the universe that we can control. We only do the best we can with what we have and what we know at the time."

"Well... I did everything I could, but it wasn't enough. She died regardless. A terrible loss and a blow to this crew and her captain," Joanna finished. Truth be told, she wasn't feeling to good either. This whole thing was stressing her out so that it was making her physically ill.

Mallory nodded wearily, feeling there wasn't much left to be said or done. "Head down to sickbay and find whatever medical personnel we have left to make sure you have no ill effects of this...accident," the captain said tiredly. "Then get a little rest while you can. I'm sure there'll be more to do soon. We just have to grieve on the move right now."

=/\= End Log =/\=

Captain Mallory Thorne & Commander Joanna 'Ripper' Jackson (apb J'Loni)

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