The First Step

Posted on 13 Sep 2023 @ 8:05pm by Commander Elleese Elloyia & Lieutenant JG Zhivise Silatuyok

2,026 words; about a 10 minute read

After spending almost all of her first duty shift reading up on as many members of the crew as she could, the ship's newest chief counselor--a silver-eyed, silver-haired Betazoid genetic twist--was getting ready for one of her first appointments. In these early days, appointments were spaced out to give her as much time to adapt as possible. Given her years in Starfleet, however, Commander Elleese Elloyia did not need much time.

She looked at her schedule and saw that her first appointment of the afternoon was Lieutenant, Junior Grade, Clovis Bray from the helm department.

He took a deep breath as he stepped off the lift, knowing that this was coming as it was a part of his reassignment deal, "You knew this was coming," he muttered to himself as he finally made it to the counseling offices and hit the chime.

She sensed a familiar mix of reticence and resolution on the other side of her door long before the chime sounded. She smiled to herself with a more amused sort of expression before she scaled it back to being simply open and polite. "Enter," she called as she turned her eyes toward the door.

"Lieutenant Clovis Bray, here for my mandatory counseling sessions," his voice remaining neutral, or at least he hoped it was, "...but I am also here to better myself, or at least keep myself at a normal level of sanity," he added.

"Of course," she said, her voice warm and friendly. It was part of the job, but that didn't make it insincere. "Please, have a seat. I'm Elleese Elloyia, and I am the ship's new counselor. I am pleased to meet you, Lieutenant Bray. May I get you something to drink before we begin?"

"Water is fine, and thank you," he said taking a seat and looking around the new office, working on getting his bearings which he did every time he had sessions somewhere new.

She gave him a bit of time to acclimate while she went to the replicator, ordering a glass of cool water for him and a cup of tea for herself. She carried both back to where he sat and placed them on the coffee table between the chairs, taking her seat. "Since we are both new to each other, why not chat just a bit? I have read your file, but I would like to hear from you. Tell me a little about yourself."

Clovis took a few sips of his water, "Pretty simple childhood, happy, carefree for the most part, parents were loving and attentive," he said like he had done this just a few too many times.

"And with you seeing my file, I have been struggling with some PTSD from watching an engineer die in front of me, and I was unable to do anything, along with also losing my arm, which is still a process of getting used to, and has shifted my career as a pilot, things have been overly good," he finally stopped.

"Anyone who had experienced that sort of event would benefit from visits like this," she said. She couldn't miss the feeling of the response about having been through it many times. She was accustomed to that. "I am only here to listen and to help. I like to hear things from people rather than just work off files." She paused for a moment to let those words process. "How is your adjustment with your prosthetic arm coming along?"

Clovis wiggled his fingers of his prosthetic arm, "Slow, honestly, I mean the dexterity isn't the same, which has caused some slow reaction times, and things like that, but nothing that'll put anyone in any danger," Clovis said looking back at the counselor.

"...but I guess the alternative would be out of Starfleet, so I guess I don't have anything to complain about," he added.

Elleese tilted her head slightly. "Being honest is not complaining," she pointed out, "and even if it were, this is the safe place to do it." She gestured vaguely around her office. "Will your dexterity and response times improve as you become more accustomed to it?"

"The docs say it should, not fully but within 75% to 80%," Clovis said finally placing his prosthetic into his lap, "...but with updates and upgrades to prosthetics these days," he said with a shrug, "it could be even up to 90% or higher, but I'll hold my breath until I see that," Clovis added.

"Understandable," she said with a small smile. "Such technology is in a constant state of improvement, of course, so I would not be surprised if the doctors prove to be correct."

Clovis nodded, taking one more look at his arm before looking back to the counselor, "... what else would you like to know?"

She replied kindly, "Anything that you might like to tell me? Is there anything else you believe would be useful for me to know as we begin to work together?"

{Sleep, or lack thereof, the night terrors,} he thought before finishing off his water, "Sleep, it comes and goes, I'll have nights that I'll sleep 4 or 5 hours uninterrupted, and then nights that it might be 2 or 3," he said figuring that was a nice middle ground.

"On the nights where you sleep less," she picked up the trail of his thought, "is there something in particular that keeps you from sleeping better?" She held to herself, for now, that even four or five usually wasn't quite enough for someone. For now, she picked one thread to stick with.

"Her face," Clovis said simply, and without hesitation.

Elleese let a few moments of quiet pass before she inclined her head slightly. "Do you want to tell me more about that?" Her voice was gentle, but not patronizing. Sincere, open. Willing to accept a no, but hoping she wouldn't hear it.

His fingers on his left hand started tapping, not uncontrollably but just one of those tics, "...when I was trapped under the beam that took my arm, it trapped an engineer," he said taking a deep breath as he watched his fingers drum on his leg.

"Anyways, I watched the life drain from her eyes, completely helpless to help her, and or save her," Clovis said finally looking up and looking at the counselor.

"That is difficult to live with," she agreed gently. "Had you known this engineer before what had happened?"

"....I did a little, I mean I was still fairly new on the ship," Clovis said his eyes adverting his eyes, "but she was quickly becoming a friend," he finally added, his eyes still adverting the counselor's gaze.

Elleese skillfully chose not to poke that wound any further. Instead, she segued to the more pragmatic. It was her experience that it could be grounding to talk in facts and basics for a bit. "How long had you been on the ship at that point? You said you were still fairly new."

"Just a few months, but I was also green as I was also just coming out of the academy, so...," Clovis said as he stroked his beard with his right hand, as he was still getting used to some of the more delicate things with his left.

"That does make for a difficult first posting," Ell said with sympathy, but the genuine sort without pity or condescension. In all things, she gave the energy of a woman who genuinely cared about others--their joys and sorrows, their victories and failures.

Clovis stood and started to pace a little before finally walking behind the couch, his hands resting on the back of the couch. "I guess it does," Clovis said as his fingers gripped a little tighter, "...b but she was the first one to help me settle in, get comfortable, and in an instant she was gone," Clovis said unaware of how tight his prosthetic was gripping the back of the couch.

Furniture could be replaced, so Elleese didn't say anything about that. Instead, she remained calm and steady, her eyes following him as he paced and moved anxiously. "That is a very difficult loss, and the speed at which these things can happen is very difficult for our minds to process. It is okay for that to be a struggle to come to terms with."

Clovis grimaced he hated that statement, while also glad to hear it, hear it from someone else, "I just want sleep, sleep where I don't have to see her face," he said gritting his teeth as that guilt started to seep back in.

"How often do you have nights where you dream of her?" Elleese asked.

"Almost every night, especially after a stressful day or after sessions, and I am not blaming the sessions, it is more like what is on my mind for the rest of the day depending on when I have a session with a counselor," Clovis said as he balled his hands into a fist.

Elleese nodded in understanding. "Few species can compartmentalize theirs minds in a way to simply just...stop thinking about something. Although it is not convenient or pleasant, it is understandable that counseling sessions would keep it close to the surface. The hope, though, is of course that those sessions will help to shift the thoughts each time to something that will hurt less."

Clovis finally came back around and took a seat on the couch, "I know, and sorry if I made it sound that these sessions weren't helping, or going to help," Clovis said looking straight at the counselor for the first time felt like,

She smiled warmly. "No offense taken. Therapeutic counseling is difficult. Even counselors have to do it from time to time, and I can assure you that we are some of the worst patients." It was a little off-topic, but she found it useful sometimes to deflect briefly and let someone recover their thoughts after painful admissions. She was happy to make herself the target for that.

Clovis nodded unsure of where to go from here, "So what are my next steps?"

"You and I will see a lot of each other," she said with kindness in her voice. "However, I do want to ask if you have spoken to the doctor about something to help you sleep. If so, do you still have the nightmares? It is hard to help the emotional side of our minds heal when we are sleep-deprived. Sometimes a short-term course of medication can help bridge the gap."

"I was, um, but I was having some negative side-effects so the doctor took me off of them," Clovis said, but he also knew there were several other sleep aides out there, "but I am willing to speak with the doctors again to find one that'll work and help me get the sleep I need," he added.

Elleese nodded. "I will not say that you have to, of course," she said, "but I would consider it. Speak to the doctor and discuss the side effects you experienced with the other. Many possibilities can be offered and it is easy to tackle to big things when our brains and bodies have the rest they need."

Clovis nodded it couldn't hurt to try something new or, just a different dosage could make a difference, "I can do that, and after that and hopefully some more restful sleep, what kind of sessions are we looking at?"

"We will continue with sessions like this as we see how things progress," she said. "Mainly, they will be to check in with you and see how things are going. As you are increasingly able to, we will continue to address the trauma and mechanisms for adaptation. And if you find yourself in a particularly difficult moment, you can contact me or one of the other junior counselors for an urgent meeting."

Clovis nodded it wasn't anything really new as for how sessions continued, "alright sounds good, and thank you," Clovis said rubbing his hands on his legs.

Elleese inclined her head with a genuine, warm smile. "It is what I am here for. We will help you find a way through this."

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