Not all scars are on the outside

Posted on 09 Nov 2020 @ 3:19pm by Commander Kristiana Petrova & Lieutenant Callisi Veera

2,071 words; about a 10 minute read

Mission: Ab Intra
Location: Planetside

The journey to their destination didn't take long. Courtesy of the wonders of modern transportation and a society that values convenience. "You hungry?" asked Kristiana. "Could go to like a restaurant if you are. Maybe a bar if you're not."

"I wasn't, but after getting off the ship, and that elevator ride down, and now that you mention it... yes." Callisi admitted after a bit of 'soul searching'. "Let's find a place to eat." a pause, "No salads. I'm not in the mood for leaves right now. Let's find a place that serves a proper meal, and see where the night takes us." the Daughter of Ts'usu stated, heading to a directory to assist her in her task.

"Here." she pointed to a place nearby. Well rated. Trending, maybe, if she were connected to anything resembling social media here. "Agreeable?"

"Sounds good. I could use a good hearty meal myself," Kristiana admitted. Right now she would've agreed with anything though. Part of her was just happy that someone else was taking the lead for now. Last time she took the lead people suffered. It did her good to step back for a moment and let someone else make the decisions.

The pair made their way off, with Callisi getting her fair share of glances. In truth, both of the ladies were catching attention, but potentially for very different reasons. True to her words before, the source of the attention didn't seem to bother her. Glances, stares, but nothing overt. Nothing physical. Sometimes Callisi had to move out of the way of someone who should have moved out of her way, but she didn't seem to let it bother her.

Table for two, Kris gets her menu first. Order taken first. Drinks first. It's the little things that try to make Callisi feel unwelcome. She seems more at peace then she did on the ship.

"Told you." she reminded, with a nod. "But, let's not dwell on that."

Kris ordered a double cheeseburger with bacon and a pint of ale, figuring that even in this alternate universe they didn't belong in, junk food was junk food. "You sure you're ok?" she asked Callisi after she ordered.

Callisi's order, oddly enough, was very similar. Big burger, lots of grease and fat, fries, and after a little conversation, she ordered what Kris had ordered for a drink. Once their tender was out of earshot, the cyclopean rabbitess turned to fully face her, "Honestly, no. I talked big when I was at my breaking point in my quarters but, this is unbearable. The weight of it, the feel of it... I'm glad you're here or otherwise I probably would have broken down, gotten drunk, and started a brawl. Or stayed in my quarters all night and cried myself to exhaustion." she admitted. Opening up like this didn't seem like something protocol allowed.

Kris didn't know what to do or say, really. "Well, waddya feel you need right now?" she asked, ready for any answer.

There were a dozen things she wanted, that were literally impossible to achieve. So, in lieu of wishes... "Honesty." she replied. "And a friend."

"Honest you have," Kris started, hesitating a moment before continuing. Truth be told she barely knew the other woman. She'd read her file, yes, but she'd read so many files that they all kind of blurred together. "As for a friend, I'll do my best," she offered with a slight smile that didn't quite make it to her eyes.

"That's all that I ask. We've known each other for all of an hour." Callisi pointed out. "And the most you know about me is I'm some disfigured rabbitess who'd rather be hated than falsely appreciated." a smirk. "But, we can work on friendship. Honesty, though, I appreciate."

"Well, allow me to tell a bit about myself, then. My full name is Kristiana Alexandrovich Petrova. I was born and raised on a small farm outside of the village of Vengerovka, in Russia, on earth. My father was Ilya Petrov, mother was Natalia Petrova," Kris paused a moment. "The Russian naming convention is that the wife takes the family name of the husband and the children of their father. Women get an 'a' added to the end of it. That's why I'm Petrova and my father was Petrov."

Callisi nodded, "I was born in Tangzi. It's a city, well more urban sprawl but, technically urban, on Yamogo. One of our colonies, so not the home moons. Me, my father, and my younger brother. We lost mom to an attack by the Koldarans, and well, when my debt came due, I jumped at the chance to serve. I was younger, more impulsive, and I just wanted revenge. Classic story, but not when you're living it." she shook her head. "Mom was on a transport, routine back and forth, did it a thousand times. They caught the shuttle between blinks, and that was it."

"I like that you keep your father's name. Keeps the family together. Technically my name is Veera Callisi, we put the family name first, but when I heard about how most of the people in the Federation put their personal name first, I switched it. At first it was weird to hear, but now I'm used to it." she offered a smirk. "It's nice to meet you, Kristiana."

"Yeah, well, carrying my Father's name might've meant more to me if I'd meant more to him," Kris sighed, shoulders slumping. Her thoughts interrupted by the waitress returning with their orders. After the general pleasantries she continued, albeit on a slightly different but related subject. "All across Earth you'll find old cultures with different naming customs. China and Hungary for example will put the family name first, like your people. Then there's Iceland, where a girl's given the name of her mother with a suffix, so I'd be Kristiana Nataliadottir, and boys are named after their father. Had I been born a son like my dad wanted I'd have been Kliment Ilyason," Beat "If we'd have been Icelandic instead of Russian."

"It sounds to me, that you've spent a lot of time thinking about who you could have been." Callisi said, before munching on a fry. "Tons of stories back home like that. Some a little more fantastic than others, but the core is the same." she cited, "Someone who wants to be someone else. Someone who wants to be richer. More beloved. Accepted." a pause, "In some of the stories it ends terribly. For the most part it works out nice."

She couldn't wait any longer, and she took a chomp of the main dish. Any relationship to rabbits was gone, just superficial, once you saw one eating a piece of meat with teeth like that.

"More like growing being being resented by my father for being a girl and by my mother for taking her ability to have a second child," Kris spoke, her voice quiet but venomous. She drowned the rest of the sentiment i a large gulp from her ale, wiping her mouth afterwards. "I'm sorry to hear about your mother. Truly," she ventured, her words equally soft, now lacking the venom from before. "It's never easy."

A nod, "And I yours. Your father not knowing the treasure he had in a daughter is a tragedy."

"There's an old Ts'usugi saying, that the best revenge is success. I don't know if it's any consolation, but your rank and position are admirable." A pause, "And thank you. She would like to have met everyone, and I like to think that despite my disfigurement, she'd still look at me and smile."

"Well, as much as we do."

"If you hate your parents, the man or the establishment, don't show them up by getting wasted and wrapping your car around a tree. If you really hate your parents, out learn them, out live them and know more than they do." Kris smiled softly. "Henry Rollins. Underappreciated poet and musician from like four or five centuries ago. I never hated my parents though. But, yes, that quote's always stood strong in my mind. Inspired me. Motivated me," She mused. "That eye of yours, you call it a disfigurement. Is Ts'usugi society so bent on physical purity and completeness?"

"To a point, but... Its also a matter of my own. Something this drastic stands out. It looks off. Different. Wrong. Society would tolerate it, because of how I received it. But they still look, Still stare." Callisi explained.

"I hate it. Everytime I look in the mirror I see it. Reminded of how I got it. I'd be dead if I didn't opt for it, but... I have to live with it.i... Feel damaged. Feel incomplete. Society might openly accept me, but secretly judge me."

"It's... Odd to explain. I'd be welcome in a house as a guest, and no one would ask about it. But once I left..."

Kris listened, taking a bite of her double cheeseburger with bacon. A guilty pleasure. Bad food tasted so good and she figured they'd both deserved it by now. After the daughter of Ts'usu finished explaining she remained silent a moment longer before starting quietly. "I can't speak for anyone else, but to me that eye is a complete non issue. At most I'd have wondered how you got it. But I've never known you without, and to me you're no lesser for having it," she explained, before holding out her right arm and rolling up her sleeve.

There was an old scar there, that once - a long time ago - would have been nasty, but has since started slowly healing up. It would never heal completely though. "Hunting accident. Dropped my rifle, it went off, bullet tore right through my arm. Always declined having the scar removed. It's part of me now. Part of who I am." Beat. "Not even sure what I'm trying to say here. Just that - well, you're no lesser to me for having that eye. Your value is not in how much of you is original. It's in your actions, in what you do." she spoke, covering her arm again.

Callisi looked over the wound, the scar. Old, healing, moving on. She paused, and reached a hand up to touch the fabric of her eyepatch.

"Don't admire it." was all she said before she lifted the fabric up. A vicious scar tore through the top of her orbit, and continued through the top of her cheek. What lay between..

An eye, built with an aesthetic entirely unlike the Daughter of Ts'usu. Anodized blue, shining and beautiful, with a blue dot glowing for the visual reference. Set in slides, the eye moved and slid in perfect harmony with her original eye. The distinctiveness was that it didn't seem to conceal its artificial nature.

She returned the eyepatch slowly. "It seemed fair. I got mine piloting a shuttle. Grey Op behind enemy lines. Took a shot, shattered the canopy. Ruined the eye, missed my brain by a breath. Onboard medical drone was the only one with any capacity to help. I was alone in the shuttle and bleeding to death. I had to be ready to evac the recon squad. Had to fix the shuttle."

"To do that, I needed to see..."

Kristiana ate as Callisi shared her greatest shame. Some might consider that rude, Kris knew, but to her it was a statement. Callisi might describe the injury as a disfigurement, might consider herself tainted because of it. But Kris wanted to show that, to her, it was just - there. And so, she ate. "So, you took a hit. Got wounded, badly. Still did what you were there to do, despite all that," she mused. "Bet the guys and gals in that recon squad think well of you."

Callisi gave a nod, "They sent me cards, and never brought up the incident aside from calling it a successful operation." She took another bite of her burger, dabbing at her fur with a napkin. Kris' understanding of the matter was very appreciated in this.

"This cheeseburger weighs more than my shuttle did, though. Whatever is next, we are sitting."

"Oof. No kidding," Kris chuckled, stifling a burp. "Is good though. I mean, nothing much beats a proper cheeseburger with bacon," she took another swig of her beer. "Well, no rush. Evening's still young."

 

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