SD 242001.24 || JL Lt/Lt Sabine/Rahl || "Just a Panic Attack

Posted on 24 Jan 2020 @ 3:17pm by Lieutenant Madalene Sabine & Lieutenant Quinle Rahl

2,594 words; about a 13 minute read

Mission: Tyr's Hand
Location: Quarters x Counseling Sessions

=/= Begin Log =/=

Maddy was shaking when she got back from the gym. "Me arrogant!?" She shouted to no one just needed to that release. "....yes I have a goddamn ego but y yours is is something else." Maddy said still talking to herself allowing herself to close her eyes and take several deep breaths. {Come on pull it together Maddy.} Maddy thought to herself as she pulled herself together and get cleaned up.

[....Few minuets later....]

After her sonic shower Maddy dressed and headed out. When she left her quarters she had no intention of showing up in front of the counseling offices but....guess what subconsciously she did. A split second she realized that her hand had hit the chime for Rahl's office.

Quinle was standing at the window of her office looking out to the stars and Terran ships she could see, her hands were laced behind her back and she rocked to her heels every once in a while. Lost in thought when the chime pulled her back to the present, without even looking to the door she responded. “Enter.”

The door swished open but Maddy didn't step forwarded but remained close enough so that door wouldn't close. Her mind had got her to the door and hitting the chime but now Maddy needed to make the next move.

When the sound of steps or movement in the door did not reflect in her window Quinle turned. “Maddy?” Her voice was gentle and she smiled, “Please come in, unless you were looking for someone else?” Chuckling softly, “Well, even if you were you are welcome inside anyway.”

{Shit!} Madalene thought, {spotted....well of course you were.} She continued to keep the inner-dialogue go. "Umm....could you call me Madalene for now. Umm....yeah we just don't know each other well enough for Maddy yet."

With a nod, Quinle gestured to the inner room. “Of course, my apologies. What can I help you with?” Moving from the window to pour herself a glass of water,

Maddy hated this. Truly hated this. Not the needing help but the feeling vulnerable. "I I don't know....I I feel....shit! Sorry I know cursing is not becoming of an officer but....but...." Madalene stopped and started as she walked in. "....I guess I I just feel lost."

“You can curse in my office all you wish, I will not think any less of you for it,” Rahl stated. “Considering the circumstances I think we are all feeling lost, but maybe if we talk through it we can pinpoint a place where you can begin to find yourself again? Maybe lay out a plan of action to help re-establish an inner base of solidity for you?”

Maddy started pacing feeling that that claustrophobic feeling. "...I I ca....shit no plan.....can't do a plan." Madalene said sliding to the floor feeling and brining her knees to her chest feeling like she was losing control.

Rahl moved to her and slipped to the floor right in front of her, the tone of her voice becoming more firm, guiding the other officer along. “Madelene breathe, in through your nose for a count of eight, out through your mouth for a count of four. I will do it with you.” She showed through her breath the pacing she expected.

The first few was about half four in and 2 out. Before she finally got it getting that 8 in and 4 out. "W wh what is happening....?"

“You are having a panic attack, it can happen easily when someone is overwhelmed.” Quinle’s voice pitched deeper slightly, a calming tone carry. “Continue to breathe. There have been a lot of changes, and tragedies and non of us are on solid footing right now. We are all learning to shift and cope with new things.”

{...great get a field promotion and now having a panic attack. This is going to be great....} She thought continuing breathing. "Panic attack. Just th that simple....panic attack," she repeated as she tried to keep up with the breathing while comprehending what was being said to her.

“Nothing is simple, but the pull of the black hole of space and time that we have metaphorically been in of late is ensuring that. It is why we need to find our new normal and stop expecting things to be like they were before we skipped back in time. In fact, if we hadn’t lost him, I would ask the CMO if there could actually be a time sickness that might be affecting many of us. That isn’t important now though, what is, is that we get you able to breathe again easier, and work through the upswell of emotion that is causing your adrenaline to pump faster than it should be for a non-threatening situation.” Quinle smiled gently, “For believe me, I am not a threat to you in any way.”

Maddy could only nod as she listened and continued with breathing. "Shit! Fuck! I fucking hate this!" Madalene screamed. After that scream there was a slight betterment. A slight release of stress.

Quinle did not reach for the other woman, just sat calmly before her and watched Madalene carefully. “If they were fun we would all be having them.” There was a small bit of humor to her statement, then she counted for the next breath. “Our entire world is not this ship, everything we had when we left Starfleet is now right here around us, many of us were promoted because of death, not to say you and I are not qualified, but who wants to move ahead that way. Learning to breathe to control all of these things in our minds is about as controlling as we can be in the moment.”

"Taking one moment at a time, right?" Maddy said simply.

Rahl nodded her head slightly, “Exactly so. It is all we can do right now. We breathe, and learn, and adapt. Through this we learn to control that which is around us again.” She sounded like one of the philosophers she loved to study, but she didn’t care. All that mattered to her in the moment was the woman sitting before her and helping her to find a place of peace within herself again.

Maddy chuckled as she wiped tears away. "....shit this isn't how department heads should be acting. Fuck! I don't know what to do.?"

“It is why we have a counselor’s office you know. You can just be you here, I do not worry about the rank as much as I do the being.” A small shift of her legs left the counselor sitting criss cross applesauce and lacing her hands in her lap. “What is it you feel you need to do? Other than take a bit of time to breathe and figure a way to hold the calm later if you need it again.” One hand came up, “You might not ever have another panic attack, and I hope you do not, but breathing techniques work wonders for all kinds of stressful situations, and we all face those daily.”

"...can I say I don't know?" Maddy asked, "...'cause that's what I feel."

“Very valid.” Quinle nodded with a smile, “Let me try a different question. What brought you to my door? What made you so shaky when you arrived?”

"....I had a run in with the chief of security and -- and he just said some stuff that pissed me off. And I got back to my quarters....and and I guess I had a little panic attack and next thing I know I needed up here."

A small tip of her head accompanied the explanation. “Was what he said untrue?”

"I I don't know.....no not untrue but just brining forwarded a harsh reality that I wasn't ready to deal with or even willing to accept and even now I don't think I can." Maddy said feeling herself getting back under control.

“Our entire reality has shifted, twice now in a short period of time. We will all be moving in stages of grief just to re-align thoughts to a new situation and leaving the past behind.” A hand rose slightly so she could finish. “I do not mean that we will not get back, because that is the hope, but we have changed and those changes mean growth and the acceptance of the losses of the past. Not only the people we have lost, but the way things were, moving forward means we can not anchor ourselves in the past. It is alright to set aside certain ideas and thoughts to deal with them later, you do not have to process it all at once.”

Maddy didn't know how to respond. Yes everything made sense -- well somewhere in the back of her mind it did make sense. "T thank you....I shit why do I feel for embarrassed?" Maddy asked wiping her tears away.

“Because losing control is not always easy in front of anyone, even someone whose job it is to support you in moments exactly like this.” Quinle smiled gently. ”You May feel unsettled for a bit, if you begin to feel like your chest is tightening, find a place and use the breathing pattern. I find that as you begin to control your breathing it helps your mind to regain a bit of stability the nerves can create. You can also come to me, or call for me whenever you need for support.”

Maddy nodded, "thank you. I don't know what would have happened if my body didn't subconsciously bring me here." Maddy said with a small smile as she started to feel that regaining control or just enough to feel like herself. Maddy then slowly went to stand up but as she stood her legs felt like jello and she almost fell back down.

Quinle kept that easy smile upon her lips as she nodded, “Sometimes our bodies know what our thoughts cannot. I am glad yours trusted me enough to help.” Rising from the floor she watched as Madalene struggled slightly but did not impose her help upon her, instead offering it, “Would you like a hand? Your body likely feels like you have run a long distance race at this point.”

"Please," Maddy said as she placed a hand on the wall to help stabilize her. That's what she also didn't understand how physically taxing something like this could be on the body.

She assisted Madalene to standing, the gestured to the couch. “If you want to sit and rest for a few it is fine. I have no one else expected. I can get you something from the replicator, juice will help boost your energy again.”

Maddy wanted her bed but she knew she wouldn't make it. She took a seat and nodded to the offer of the juice as she felt another set of tears coming. But these were different from the first set these were her body reacting to her bodies reaction to the emotional release she just had.

Quinle got a mix of fruit juices she was fond of from the replicator, one she knew would boost the energy for Madalene, then she reached into a drawer and pulled out a small piece of polished petrified wood. Walking back to Maddy she handed the juice over first, then she held up the wood, “You can have this, I have a few, not enough for the whole crew but I always keep some around. It is petrified wood, wood that had fossilized to stone and has been polished. I like to hold it and run my thumb over it when I feel stress rising. If I am in a place with others I keep it in my pocket to use if needed, when I am alone I can just hold it and focus on change, like the living tree became rock over time.”

Taking the piece of wood her thumb ran over how smooth it was and it was weird/odd at how fast it brought comfort. "Th thank you....," she added as she took the glass of juice and took several gulps. As soon as she swallowed the juice her body felt a buzzing as she could feel her body kinda balancing out. Taking a few more gulps she looked at the piece of wood almost mesmerized by it.

Pouring water from a glass pitcher then moving to her chair. “I think it is good to have something like that on hand. Other counselor’s I have worked with like for people to focus on something they care about, but in that moment when everything begins to close around you I think trying to focus your mind to a place can almost add to the pressure., an ‘oh crap what am I suppose to think of’ can leave your mind racing more, and later on you punish yourself with the fact you couldn’t remember the simple thing to think of.”

Maddy nodded still rubbing and looking at the piece of the wood. The counselor's voice was in the distance the glass of her juice in her hand was there but she didn't sense it. Her complete focus was on that piece of wood. To the point that her thumb which was swirling disappeared and just the piece of wood was floating her hand had also disappeared.

Quinle did not always need to talk, even though that was a large part of her job, so in the moment she didn’t, she sat comfortably in he chair and took a drink of the water she poured, not staring at Maddy, but just giving her a few moments of quiet to relax from the anxiety she had faced.

Just like she zoned off she snapped right back to reality realizing where she was and who she was with. "So sorry I got lost in thought....I think." Maddy said not even sure if that was accurate.

“Your mind likely needed a moment of quiet to settle back into a calm state.” Quinle spoke even more quiet. “Likely tomorrow you may feel like you ran a race.”

Maddy nodded realizing that this could have gone so much worse. "I I don't know what would have happened if my body didn't drag me down here. And to be honest I don't know what would happen if you weren't the chief counselor." Maddy said looking up and looking Quinle, "....so I guess what I am trying to say and saying badly is thank you. Thank you for not pushing but for just being here."

Quinle smiled and her cheeks flushed softly, “I am glad I was here for you, as well. You are welcome.” She lowered her head slightly, “I wish to make people comfortable with my presence, not feeling I am as much of an obligation of service. We are in a situation that most people are probably struggling so I do not wish visiting me to be a time of fear or dread.”

Maddy slowly stood, "...I I think I should try and get some rest. Thank you again." And with that Maddy headed for the door.

Quinle stood as Maddy did, nodding her head, “Rest will help. If you need me, just call, day or night and I will be there for you.”

With a nod and small smile Maddy left the office and back to her quarters.

=/= End Log =/=

Lt Madalene Sabine, COps, USS Odin/Lt Quinle Rahl, CCNS, USS Odin

 

RSS Feed